Steak and Rice OK, this one is hard to post. It is the story of my very first boyfriend, my first lover, and how he broke up with me because I wasn't thin enough or blond enough to be seen with. Of course I felt like a huge cow when that happened, which was when I was 21, but the truth was that I wasn't even fat. I just wasn't thin enough, or perfect enough for him. But it really fucked me up and triggered one of my worst cutting episodes ever. It is scary to post this because it makes me feel so ashamed. So why do it? Who the fuck knows.